I think every SFL has experienced midlife crisis. Mine started when I quit my 3 banking jobs for 5 years. Since then, I’m hesitant to work for another office job. I might end up quitting again if I feel unhappy about it. So I’ve been broke for almost 3 years now. And throughout those years I had have a lot of thoughts about how blessed I was when I still have a job like you can buy anything you want, have so much fun with your friends, and treated so special by your family. On the other hand, I also thought about how God had forsaken me when I became jobless like you can’t even afford to buy a single meal, ignored by many of your friends, and feeling worthless at home. Yes! I’ve been feeling insecure, indecisive and scared. My depression affected my health physically and psychologically. I’m no longer confident to lead SFL-Ozamiz because the more I put so much time and effort in the community, the more I get lost.
I would end up working in the community instead of serving the Lord. At home, I can no longer handle the pressure from my family telling me to get a stable job and get married soon before I reach 30. I know what I don’t want but I don’t know what I really want for my life. So then I have no more plans in my life.
Thanks to my beloved family, my true friends, and my CFCFFL family who help me to pick up the pieces of me. Because of them I still believe that God will never abandon me. The truth, I abandoned Him. I doubted God. Those years of uncertainties made me realize too that God shows His love not just in the form of joy and glory but also in the form of pain and defeat. It is when you are broken that God completes you. I should have known this from the very beginning because for so many times that I’ve been broken, for so many times too that God makes me whole again. Those years of famine in my life made me realize of my mistakes – my arrogance and ungratefulness when I still have the best things in the world. But honestly, I get the best things in life during the worst in my life.
Now that I passed the LET which I never plan in the first place, God is telling me that He will plan for me when I don’t know what to do in my life anymore, and if I have, His plans would be far greater than mine. Becoming a teacher someday would be a fresh start for me and I know this is part of God’s plans for me to start over a faithful journey with Him.