By Kai Garcia
CFC SFL Novaliches
I’ve been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see the sacrifice You made for me
I know that I have never been unloved.”
I practiced this song entitled “Never Been Unloved” for 2 weeks before the Committed Servants’ Weekend held last September 1-2, 2012. A guy originally sang it, but we transposed it to a girl version. During practice, I mentioned that the song is boring with unchanging tone until the end. It didn’t even sound like the usual reflection song that I sing during conferences. Up until our last practice come Saturday morning, I was nervous about the song, more so because I didn’t know that we were supposed to sing it while lyrics flashed on screen. We had to time our singing very carefully so that my speed matched that of the lyrics. I didn’t know that I was in for more surprise.
I didn’t know the song was supposed to be sung as preparation for the presentation of the Blessed Sacrament. Needless to say, it was not the ordinary reflection song after all. It was the reflection song, and I felt a hundred pounds of pressure on my shoulder as it finally sunk in. I had to sing this perfectly. I had to bring people to reflect and munch every lyrics of this song, regardless of how I felt towards it. I have been told many times before that as a music minister, I have a role in bringing people to worship the Lord. In order to do this, I should be able to bring myself in a worship state first. But in that moment, I was unimportant.
I sang the song. I felt every lyric struck a chord in my heart. A constant tugging sensation in my gut telling me that every word in this song rings true. I was ungrateful for thinking that “it’s just another boring song”, rather than saying, “I am privileged to sing this song in a manner that people would be able to feel loved by God.”
A moment after that, Fr. Arlo raised the Blessed Sacrament. It was so close from where I was kneeling (I was in front, almost beside the altar). I stared at the Blessed Sacrament, talked to God and asked him, “Sa dinami-rami ng magaling kumanta, bakit ako pa ang pinili mo, eh matigas ang ulo ko, ang dami kong kasalanan at lagi akong lumalayo sa’Yo?” (Of all the talented people, why did you choose me? I am hard-headed, a sinner and I always run away from You.) I heard Him in my heart as He said, “Do not ever question my wisdom. I chose you for a reason, and when I chose You, I already considered your sins and weaknesses.” I realized that through the conference, I took a step to meet Christ, but He took the remaining 99, 000 steps to meet me. It has always been the case. I cried upon realizing this. Yes, I am not worthy, but He most definitely is.
In the sessions and workshops that followed, we met and have come to know Christ a bit more. We were taught to speak for God and worship Him whole-heartedly. During worships, we sang as one to give our praises to God. I have never worshipped Him as I have in that weekend. We went home with overflowing joy and excitement in our hearts because we wanted to live and share Christ right away, just like St. Peter when he wrote in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ.”
Tagaytay became my and will always be my Galilee, where I met and will meet Christ over and over. But wherever I am, whatever state I may be, whatever I do, I will always be one thing: LOVED – by God.