By Felmea Niñez Aujero Mercado
CFC SFL, District of Cagayan De Oro
I have been staring at this blank page, not knowing what to write. I have a lot of things in mind yet I don’t know where and how will I start. Maybe, it’s because I am scared to start something and not being able to do it right nor even finish it. But then I thought of the idea, this idea; why should I keep it to myself, whatever God had made me feel and realize during my life’s journey as an SFL? I know He wants me to share it to others. For them to also know just like how He made me realize that he is there. He had ALWAYS been there, for me, for you and for everyone else. He loves us so much that despite of all the mistakes we’ve made, he never left. He had always been there, patiently waiting for us to come back to HIM.
Sometimes I wonder whether God is really there. I have always been skeptic of the things around me especially those that I could not see. All I know for sure is that I have faith even though it makes so hard for me to believe in something my mortal eyes could not set my gaze on. Despite all the doubts I am still able to surpass all these and live with the faith that I have. I guess I could call it a choice, a choice that I chose to rely on in a nevertheless, unfathomable truth.
For twenty one years, I have been an aimless wanderer. At times, I see things falter before my very eyes. Yet, this never really concerned me. Not that I don’t care about the welfare of others, but I would only think of it as a coincidence. Then again right now, whenever I try to go back and think thoroughly of what really happened and why did it happened; I would always catch myself dumbfounded. There is no such thing as coincidences and never will there be. Everything happens for a reason, and each of this reasons are lessons in life we must bear until the end of time. Our life is written by the hands of God and because of that, solely we belong to Him. We tend to think of it as destiny or fate. To the extent we’d think that we can make our own path, our very own destiny. True, simply because of the free will God had given us. Without this, we wouldn’t be able to make choices of our own. We wouldn’t be able to walk in another path, the path us mortals/humans chose. We chose to be astray. In spite of everything, we neglected God who had given us this free will. Ever wondered how that makes HIM feel? I bet it hurts. It even pains us mere humans being neglected by the people around us whom we cherish and love whole heartedly. What more pain would it inflict to our dear Father? He who gave us life? He who considered us his greatest creation?
Long before I had been conscious with the world around me, I already knew that the world had never been fair. It made me wonder… why? Why do these things happen? In search for truth, I came only with a single answer. God always has a plan for all of us. That even in the midst of the hardest, darkest part of our lives, he only wants us to call up to HIM, for us to be able to remember HIM. There’s not a problem God gives us that we could not endure. And there’s not a cross we carry heavy enough to weigh against our sins that Jesus Christ burdened Himself as he was crucified. It is our weakness that makes us gullible to being suicidal. But this isn’t a solution to our predicaments. And only those who lack faith in God falter into the abyss of the darkest part of our lives.
Problems to us are like illness that we don’t want in our system. But little do we know, it is God’s way of knocking in our hearts to let HIM in to our lives and be blessed with His grace. To be able to live with the life that He wants us to live. Much of a wakeup call if you’d ask me. Simply because of how the world had turn up at this very moment, we abandoned God and our faith in HIM. We have been blinded by technology, endless parties, drinking, smoking, drugs, pre-marital sex and other things that kept us farther away from HIM. What more do we want with our lives? What more do we need after being given free will? Better yet, what more do I want?
I have been through life’s ruthless dare and I can honestly tell how hard it is not to put blame to anyone. Human as I am, I would always apt to find ways and means to escape in whatever predicament I am in, to even avoid any confrontation with the verity in front of me. Yet as I take on every single ominous event life has to throw me, I’d do everything that I can so I won’t fumble. I used to be this person who’s so proud. Little did I know I am just an instrument of God; to be able to touch other people’s lives. To let them realize that they only lack, the courage to face the truth that there is but one God. The God who sent his only Son for us to be saved. So, now if I am to be asked with the same question again, what more do I want? I would only tell them that I yearn more to be complete, to be the person that God wants me to be. That I am NOTHING without God. And without FAITH, I can never conquer anything.
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