A Sharing by Maureen Causing, SFL Pasig
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7
Three years. It was three years that I fell flat, thinking that I was a victim of a heart break.
It was late 2012. The first few weeks were horrible. I would sleep and wake up crying, wanting none of the pain that lingers, that never seemed to go away. I would pray unceasingly wanting, hoping for the Lord to take away all the hurt; but He said, “no, not yet.” Months and years passed, the pain was no longer that piercing, but it was still there. I still saw myself as “the victim,” the person who got rejected, who was not chosen, who was not loved enough. Some days it made me angry, some days deeply upset, some days confused. It took me 3 years of moving back and forth, sometimes even going back to square one.
But on that third year, God let it happen. No, there was no romance rekindled. Only that He whispered to me what I never understood all along – that it’s okay to say that there are things that hurt me; that to be honest, in those years, I hadn’t completely recovered from a broken heart. That it was still almost as painful because I was trying to control my own healing process, but I can’t. And it’s painful not because I can’t, but because I am not letting Him heal me with His mercy and love. At that very moment, in a stadium in Cebu with thousands of people listening to a God-driven talk, my Ultimate Healer let me go of the broken pieces of my heart; and, He held them in His very hands. I’ve chained myself to an identity that wasn’t really mine, and finally had been set free – I was not a victim. God reminded me of who I really am, and it was at this moment that I knew that I am loved beyond measure.
He held my heart so tight that it caused His love to overflow. And when it did, it gave peace to my once wounded heart. I would have never imagined that I feel genuinely happy for someone who has hurt me most, and all the more to be genuinely happy for myself, with where I am now. Trust me, the feeling is overwhelming. Something I have long-waited for to happen, which I somehow lost hope for along the road, was definitely possible. And it was not my doing, but the unfathomable ways of God.
I’m not one to be cheesy and go all preachy, but I know that in the deepest part of my heart, God’s work in my life is true, and so is His promise. The Lord knows how much I wanted to heal. He knew me well and He planted the deepest desires of my heart that kept me moving forward. Sometimes, I get reminded of what I had to endure. But I get it now, the moments when I remember my heart break story are the same moments when convictions become stronger. God gave me 3 years – years that ironically remind me that I am accepted, chosen, and most of all loved. In those years, I was taught that you have to trust and depend on God to do the healing. And you, you choose to be healed.